{musings}: To date or not to date?

Is dating a smooth "cool" experience?

The last few weeks, I've finally become open to the idea that I might meet someone online that I'm crazy about and thus have started my journey into online dating.  The experience thus far has been many things, including hilarious, so I recommend it for entertainment if nothing else.  If you think of it was entertainment, it's actually quite a cheap way to be entertained.


It has been a good learning experience.  I know myself pretty well when it comes to how I interact with my family, my friends, my co-workers, but I'm not great at dating or making myself appealing to date.  I'm not saying I want to be anyone other than who I am, but how do you accurately present who you are--especially when you are nervous around guys?  It's like someone giving a presentation in the front of class and you think, "wow! that person seems awesome," and then you meet them after class and find out that they really don't work well unscripted.  I'm the opposite.  Try to script it and it all falls apart.  This blunt honesty of mine has no limits and the more you become accustomed to it, the more you love it, but it can be daunting at first.  And the problem with online is sometimes you only get a first.

I actually like the idea of filtering people out based on some of their preferences or differences in values.  What I don't like is that we are moving more and more to a virtual experience of interacting with people and there is so much you miss through email or instant message or text that you get from a face-to-face.  So, this would mean, you filter people out online and then finally meet someone you think you might be compatible with and when you meet them discover those things for the first time....the way they respond to awkwardness, the tone of a sentence, the eyes scanning the room, the blushing and fiddling of hands.

This became clear to me when I met someone through Skype.  We had already covered tons of topics through email and we both found each other's responses interesting but trying to meet someone through a video chat?  How can it not be weird?  And even though you see his face, it's at a strange angle with bad lighting in front of a screen.  It seemed like a good idea since it would have been an event to meet in-person because of distance.  I think we both shared the thought if we could figure out how we interacted prior to an extreme effort, it would be good.  And the phone can be misleading too so Skype seemed like a happy medium.  I can assure you it was an unhappy medium.  I laughed nervously through the whole thing and called it out right away: "So, have you ever done this before?"
"What? Skype?"
"No," I laughed, "Skype dated....it's awkward, huh?"
"I've never done it," he replied.

Or is online dating just a jungle of image control?

But he also replied by closing the match.  Which is fine because I thought he would be more animated than he was but still....did we really have a true experience of what the other is really like?  He didn't laugh the whole time and said he does improv, so he's got to have something up his sleeve.  He probably thought I would be....something other than what I was.  This is all going to show me that good email communication does not also translate into great conversation.  It also puts unnecessary expectations on a first meeting.

So, these are my initial thoughts about this experience.  Any similar experiences or thoughts?  Ideas of how to change it?  Ideas of how to express mannerisms prior to meeting?  I mean, it's like people who are more concerned with their virtual representation of their relationship or friendship instead of spending that time nurturing the relationship with time and energy.  Like twitter bullying.  Life should be so much more than image control.