Bittersweet seeking.

I can tell I am in a good place in life. I bought a new camera lens; I am enjoying editing pictures; I have the urge to write and blog and read poetry. I hum to myself all the time. I'm going on long, meandering walks. I made time to watch a mini-series (Downton Abbey), which was one of the better choices of my year. I'm writing more letters, having more coffee dates, seeing more sunrises, drinking more smoothies, and praying more fervently. Yet with all this goodness, my serious contemplative nature has remained. I have cried as much as I've laughed this past week. A mix of life's bittersweet moments. The joy of being a high school leader, the sadness of leaving it. The goodness of my current living/job situation, the longing for the next thing. As I read this excerpt from Andrew Peterson's blog, I am reminded life is always this way:

Here’s what I know, in a nutshell: Seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.

Early on, I didn’t always seek God’s kingdom first, and Lord knows his righteousness was only on my mind for a minute or two a day, max. Now I’m up to three, maybe four minutes a pop. I’m growing by leaps and bounds. That simple scripture draws into sharp focus the only thing that will satisfy us in our desperate seeking for what it is that we think we want. We may want something harmless, but if it’s out of place, if it comes before the right thing, then what’s benign becomes malignant. We want the wrong thing.

So boil it all down. Chop off the fat. Get rid of the pet monkey you’re feeding, because you can’t afford to take care of it anyway. Wrench your heart away from all the things you think you need for your supposed financial security, your social status; set fire to your expectations, your rights, and even your dreams. When all that is gone, it will be clear that the only thing you ever really had was this wild and holy Spirit that whirls about inside you, urging you to follow where its wind blows.

(for the full post, see http://www.rabbitroom.com/2012/05/sailing-by-the-stars/  )